Am still in the midst of searching myself, my goals, and the one and only who will love me back as much as I love him too. But for now, I am too demoralized to believe that miracles exist.
Sunday, April 23, 2017 | Posted by JeanDeleted all previous post and decided to start from scratch again.
Its been near to 5 months since the break up, but from time to time, I miss him a bit too much on a Sunday. After all, we used to spend it together almost every week watching movies, enjoying a good dinner and conversation, as we cuddle the hours away. Lunch could be our favourite Subway meal with cookies, or it could be a treat in JEM/Westgate where we splurge on ourselves after a hectic week at work.
All these.. long gone.. I have survived 17 Sundays without him, but my happiness never seems to come back to me at all.
I have never loved someone that much, yet it has scarred me the most too. I was even surprised to confront myself, how ready I was to move on to the next phase in life with him. Over the 4 years together, he stood by me, giving me the support I needed and wanted ; how could I ever forget that he said he will be my superglue when things are falling apart. But he left..
Recently when I saw the photo of his (supposed) new love, it shatters me pretty badly.
His words ringing in my head so loud saying things like, "You are not good enough for me, and I would need to settle down with someone suitable to be my wife. You know Beebee (the nickname that I given him) well. When it comes to buying things, it takes me a long while to consider before buying it. What's more when it comes to choosing a life partner. Do you think I will move on so quickly?" Apparently, he did.
I cried that night when I saw the photo. I cried for the next two days too. Everything else that comes after that moment, became meaningless and I had no motivation in doing anything else. Day to day, I tried to be the same funny me that has absolutely no problem in engaging conversation with my friends, my colleagues, my work associates and my classmates, but inside me, I only feel more empty than I ever was.
If only I insist on breaking up in our first year, none of these would have happened. If only we both accepted that fact that we are very very different and not insist on trying to work on the differences, everything could have ended with lesser pain. This is, by far the biggest joke or prank that was played on me.